Once A Boy: A Pretty Good Start

Upon entering puberty, adolescent boys and girls undergo several, life-altering changes.  In the 4th grade, however, my body was similar to that of a toddler—but slightly taller—and I possessed slightly improved bathroom habits. I was always sporting sweatpants and a t-shirt with some type of baseball emblem (see the Barry Larkin blog entry) or cartoon character ironed on the front.    

Recess at our elementary school included all students in 4th-6th grades, which resulted in a smorgasbord of children, as well as those who were beginning the child-to-adult transition.  Four girls in particular—let’s call them the Amazon Quartet—found themselves a good 5 or 6 inches taller as they entered their 6th grade year.  They towered over my weenie frame and seemed to enjoy how a light shove from their hairy, man-like arms could easily knock me off my feet.  One girl had poufy bangs and eyes that seemed to want to jump out of her face; another looked like a red-headed cave man with press-on nails.  The other two just had an overall unpleasant appearance—I imagined they were twins of one or more non-human parents.

One cloudy day as we headed out to recess, Bertha and her step-sisters (FYI: I just changed their group’s name) decided they really wanted to unload some insults and shove someone—me.  They made the usual jokes about my sweatpants, small stature, and off-brand K-mart shoes.  I stood there and attempted to shrug it off and laugh, but my patience was fading and I was becoming angry.  Then the shoving began along with the insults and I had had enough.  I was sick of their tormenting and I reached my boiling point, so all of a sudden my best attempt at a counter attack left my lips:

“Shut up, you...buncha fat cows!” I yelled.   

This was not a good idea because I then felt what seemed like Godzilla’s hand smack my back, and I found myself lying in a thick mud puddle.  The women’s biker gang….err…I mean girls erupted in laughter.  The bell rang ending recess and they turned and walked towards the school.  I stood up and tried to wipe off the mud that was covering half of my body and hair.  I looked down and Barry Larkin’s face was also covered with mud.  I think he was ashamed of my inability to defend myself. 

This is it; I’ve had it with these girls.  I’m going to tell on them.  Their teacher and principal will be so upset they’ll get suspended and I’ll win.  I’ll have revenge.

I began walking back to the school building ready to turn in the bride of Sasquatch and her daughters.  I looked and saw the four of them walking in front of five or six boys in their class.  The boys were teasing the girls and pulling their hair and I think I heard a “How’s the weather up there?” joke.  The girls looked mortified and displayed frowns of stone on their faces.  

As much as I fought against it, I felt pity on them, and though I would spend the remainder of the afternoon in mud-caked clothes, I refrained from telling my teacher.  It seemed they received their comeuppance and continued to receive it, as these same boys would go on to ridicule them for the rest of the school year—and well into junior high and high school.

They couldn’t change who they were, but I could always wash off the mud, forgive and move on.   I could be a better person than those girls—as well as the boys who were teasing them. Later that afternoon, while doing an activity in class, I made a girl who was often the victim of bullying and teasing, smile and laugh—which made me feel about 10 feet tall.

That was a pretty good start.             

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